what do i need?

so long i haven't written anything. yeah...i can easily put the blame on my pretty busy life in jakarta :D but the thing is, i'm truly not that occupied. i just go to work and do something in order-basis, meaning that i still have plenty of times to do anything i want, like facebooking, browsing, and youtubing. i don't really fathom how to describe what i undergo now, it's just that i become more and more sluggish than ever. everytime i wake up, i know exactly what to expect from that day. complete foreseeable events that i manage to have everyday! i'm not saying that i don't want to live anymore. it's just that i need something new, something that makes me all alive again!! ohhh...how i miss that feeling. so...what do i need now??????

if only i could flee from my solid weariness for a second

i am always used to seek my sanctuary when i feel a bit bored or tired of this life by peeking through my old pictures, usually to my dear places that i'd like to visit again some day like paris :D but now that all my pictures in paris has gone with my stolen notebook and i didn't make any back-up, i felt like i no longer have any last resort that can give me a bit fresh air. for this reason, i just browsed some pictures of lovely places that always cast a spell on me, albeit it would never feel the same because there isn't me in these pictures hix...

my stolen pictures actually reveal the gloomier version of this arc and i used to adore it much

this version is better than mine, but it isn't the same though

just like arc du triomphe, i had the gloomier versions of this church because it was nearly dark when i took the pictures. moreover, just across the church, there was les deux magots, a cafe that was often visited by hemingway when he wrote his short stories back then. whereas, me myself just took a sip of amazing bittersweet chocolate. hhhh...how i wish so badly to have those pictures of mine again...

helplessly in rage

i've never been to this place before
when it first came into my view
i had no other taste but complete emptiness
as if there's a gigantic black hole emerged out of the blue

lord, i want to absorb the sunshine again
yet all i behold is a never-ending diabolical darkness
all i embrace is an absolute solidness
all i can write is red glowering letters

lord, when can i gain cloudless air?!

it's definitely not worth forgiving

yesterday a bloody damned thief broke into my room and stole my notebook and digicam. after being investigated for a while, this so-called thief actually had been permitted by two people who are staying under the same roof with me, namely bu susy (the housemaid) and teh ina (the other kost inhabitant who fells this apparently new overwhelming power over the house because the owner trusts her).

anyway, i think it's basically cannot be called as a steal if we see the abovementioned pretext. i won't write any details here since i'm already too tired to describe this idiocy over and over again. here, i just want to write my current feeling so as to try to forgive myself for being so bloody stupid. well...i presume it's then more appropriate to simply put it as a case of GIGANTIC SHEER IDIOCY of two BLOODY STUPID people!! gawd, please enable me to forgive me myself.

this teh ina last night innocently asked for my forgiveness. yeah right! as if her asking for forgiveness could replace my dearie laptop and digicam. i'm currently thinking that it's real hard to tolerate and forgive this plainly empty-headed thingy. and i'm very positive that i won't change my mind anytime sooner or later. but maybe someone may ask me again about this matter if i'm already in my deathbed...

gawd...it actually still feels like a nightmare. if only i could refuse to believe it. a completely precious piece of my life has been roughly shattered by bloody remorseless bastards!!